i would punch a child for taco bell
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
