He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
MIDGETS
????
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
