Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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