I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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