just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
