im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
