I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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