we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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