So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
