she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
