So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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