i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't deserve a penis
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
