I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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