I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
