I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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