Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That accounts for only three of the penises
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
