ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
