i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
