Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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