So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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