who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
