I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
