Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
