a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
