dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
