im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
