I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want to fling myself into the sun
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
