Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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