your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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