Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
