My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
