Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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