I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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