question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
