if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
