can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
