Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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