omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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