Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i think i have two assholes
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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