I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
