I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
