I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
