it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
