everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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