Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
