Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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