This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
