i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
NoShamevember. You game?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
