Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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