Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
