why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
