Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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