i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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