Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
