I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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